puberty hit like a high speed train

1995 -

looking through M’s book collection.

i was thinking about our 14 days mountain trek in bhutan lately, how i liked to think that i was a great adventurer / cool archaeologist lady on the expedition in the wildest places (just like in the movies) while walking through the forests and climbing mountains. it was my first time, and the journey was pretty tough for me, but now i miss it in a way.

i’m writing this because yesterday M told me that we’re flying to Chile less than in 2 months and will spend there 2 weeks doing trekking again!

i feel a little bit depressed lately, but these are really good news.

i’ve just forgotten how awkward i can be around people / clumsy when i need to act quickly, and then classes started.

jet lag update: we didn’t sleep at all last night.

good news: we made it to the french market! at 8:30 am we left home and took a 40 min walk to the place. but even though we came there just after it opened, i was already number 71 in the queue for coffee.

Anonymous asks: do you know any true books in english about russian history?

depending on what you want. M’s first suggestion was The Gulag Archipelago though :)

"jet lag? never had one never will, what even is a jet lag?”

3:30 pm. we woke up and realised that we missed an appointment with a friend who invited us to watch some russian movie at nziff. so, we decided not to leave home at all today. besides, it was raining anyway.

yesterday, we went to the port to buy some fish at the fish market, M on his e-scooter and me just walking (sometimes running) aside. when we woke up today we cooked the fish and finally watched The Wind Rises. the movie made me miss russia again(?) and feel sad that japan will never be so beautiful as it was centuries ago.

we’re in bed now, M is drinking hot chocolate and i’m dreaming about waking up early tomorrow to go to the weekend french market.

Anonymous asks: I'm curious- where in Tokyo did you live exactly?
Anonymous asks: why does everything seem meaningless for you in Moscow? what do you wish to change inc and beyond politics?

"what do you wish to change inc and beyond politics?"

nothing. that’s the problem.

Anonymous asks: Why did you abandon this tumblr and your blog? Is everything alright? How are things with M? Best wishes x

hey! we just came back from moscow, and now have a couple of days to wander around the city before the new semester starts.

everything is ok, thanks for caring! it’s just i realised that i can’t write or draw while i’m in russia, i get so frustrated (because of what’s happening there), everything seems so meaningless, and the only thing i want to do is to lie on the floor :/

Anonymous asks: this thing you wrote about your boyfriend a month or so ago, have everything changed since?

it seems like i’m unable to change the situation.




i’m quite annoyed that coffee shop stuff here in moscow are educated to always make it seems like they’re busy doing something even if it’s nothing to do atm. i just overheard a manager tell the waiters to always “be on the move”: “if there is nothing for you to do just go and double check if the souvenirs on the shelf are all neat”.

The authorities in Prince William County, Virginia, are pursuing child pornography charges against a 17 year old who exchanged nude picture texts with his 15-year-old girlfriend. The police have even filed a warrant that would permit them to take the teen to the hospital, give him an erection-producing injection, and photograph his penis. Prosecutors want to compare this photograph to the one the teen sent to his girlfriend, establishing that they depict the same thing. (link)

yay for creating child pornography in order to prosecute someone for creating child pornography!

sitting in front of M thinking how endlessly beautiful yet so unattainable for me he is. i’m so lost.

i always get frustrated to death when i return to moscow, i want to scream and fight people around me.

want to do something / help my friends somehow -> can’t -> want to die.